Nursery Rhymes 1988
Reading Nursery Rhymes
Confusion is what we will all be experiencing if a Mr. Carter of Conyers, Georgia has his way. Mr. Carter has a three-year-old son to whom he reads nursery rhymes and to whom he has difficulty explaining the said rhymes. Carter advocates updating the rhymes you and I grew up with and the same ones we’ve read to our children and grandchildren over and over. According to Mr. Carter, the Little Red Hen was a socialist, as she wanted to make some bread — we all do — but she wanted all kinds of help making it. Carter surmised today’s Little Red Hen would be a single parent, too worn out to think of harvesting, planting and threshing. she’d drive a K-Car, drop the chicks off at preschool and after a long day at the office would stop at 7-ll to pick up the bread. She’d hurry home and feed her brood on Lean Cuisines.
And about the Old Woman in the Shoe — there was an old woman who lived in a shoe — she had so many children she was entitled to $80,000 a year in welfare and food stamps.
Little Jack Horner would not be left in the corner, because we now know that can traumatize a kid. He would be left in the middle of the room and be kept away from the pies.
And as to Humpty Dumpty — Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. All the King’s horses and all the King’s men couldn’t put Humpty together again. However, a plastic surgeon in Encino tackles the job for $120.,000.
Then there was — Little Miss Muffet who sat on a La-Z0Boy eating her frozen yogurt, along came a spider and sat down beside her and she picked up a can of Raid and squirted it into oblivion.
The Two-Year Old and Nursery Rhymes
Carter also has ideas about updating Little Red Riding Hood, the Three Little Pigs and Snow White.
Can you imagine trying to read all this nonsense to children in years to come? Speaking of nonsense, try to say Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers — if Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers where’s the peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked?