Aunt Bill Rambles

Well, I ain’t never!  I’ve got one of them Visa cards and shore do like to use it.  Hit’s so easy just to pull that piece of plastic out and hand it over to the clerk in the store.  I didn’t have nair’un when I used to walk over the road here and meet the Rolling Store.  I had to have the money – but he would barter.  I could trade him old butter, eggs or even a chicken — be it fryer or rooster — for whatever I needed.

Now about this mess I’ve been in with this plastic piece.  When I got my bill last week, I nearly fainted when I see’d how much I owed.   I went to lookin’ down that list and there it wuz $416 — I never know’d nothing about no sich as that.  Well I went on to lookin’ and there it wuz agin — $426.88.

Now I commenced to try to find out what wuz goin’ on.  Billie looked them two places up on her computer and would you believe them places sold fat women’s clothes?  Why some fat huzzy been orderin’ her some fine clothes and usin’ my number.  My Lang temper took over — you hear’d “something got a hold on me” — well sompin had a hold on me shore nuf and I called this number and told the woman my problem.  She axed humpteen questions and then give me another number to call.

The number answered, after I punched one and then four, but one of them recordings come on and said, “Please stay on the line for the next available representative.”  I stayed and stayed — I’ll bet that woman said that to me fifty times and then eventually some feller come on the line.  My common sense — this feller shore weren’t speaking Sand Mountain. Y, he must have been from Tem-buc-two — I couldn’t understand nair word he wuz a-sayin’ and I axed him over and over what he said.  I said “huh” and “what” ’til I’s ashamed to say it.  He axed I don’t know how many questions — name, address, phone number, zip code and then he said, “what’s the last four digits in your social.”  Social?  What is the world wuz he a-talkin’ about?  I didn’t know and he had to splain that to me.

I reckin we’ve got all that cleared up, but now I have to wait to git me another card.  I hope they catch that fat huzzy what done this to me.  They even axed me maybe one of my daughters had done that buying.  The very idee — I ain’t got nair girl that big!!

Well, this is a different kind of country living.