Aunt Bill Offers Advice 2011

Thank goodness Billie asked me to write this.  I shore have been a-wantin’ to give these folks some advice.

You see, we’ve got a new young doctor here on the mountain and him and his bride come by The Windy Knoll the other day when I see’d she’s in a family way.  Law me, these two is so young — what in the world do you think they know about having and taking ker of babies?  Y they don’t have no idey about how life is about to change for them.

I didn’t ask no questions — I just stood there and looked at how young they wuz. I don’t know if she aims to go to a hospital to have this little ‘un  er not (she probably will since he’s a doctor), but when women used to have theirs at home, they’d always put a knife under the bed to help cut the pain.  Now, she needs to stay in the bed nine days and if she’s able, she could set up a little on the tenth day. If she don’t take ker of herself now she’ll have to pay fer it when she gits older.

But about that little ‘un — I want to offer a little advice that might help.  They ort to have several belly bands ready for when he gits here they’ll need ’em.  That little nable don’t git well quick.  And would you believe they already know hit’s gonna be a boy? I can’t believe they’s a way to know that, but in this day and time there ain’t no telling what folks know. I hear on the TV about iphones, ipads, Kindlin’s — er sumpin like that — I guess out of one of them thangs they found out.

Well, catnip tea is another thing they’ll need to have on hand.  If that baby comes here with the colic — they’re gonna need all the help they can git.  I here’d one time about a family with several little uns and one night when they’s all a-cryin; the daddy of the bunch slipped a little white lightin’ in the bottles of the least uns.  He said they had the best night’s sleep they’d had in a while.

Another thang — they need to let the baby fall off’n the bed before he’s a year old — if they don’t he won’t live to be grown and that’d be a sight.  And they need to be shore and bite off his fingernails — if they cut ’em he’ll steal and they don’t want to have to put up with that the rest of their life.

When he gits to toddlin’ age and she needs to git her work done, she can set  the bedpost on his dress tail and that’ll keep him in one place fer a while. My granny used to do that and then she’d put sorghum on his fingers and give him a feather. Talk about busy — that’d keep him busy.  My granny had four boys and she had a sight of work to do.  They said grandpa put her churn on some rockers and she’d tie her least ‘un in a box and fasten hit on top of the churn.  That way she could rock the baby and churn while she stood there and arned their clothes.

I appreciate gittin’ this off my chest and I’m in hopes this young family will have a long stay here on Sand Mountain and learn fer theirselves about country living.